“The only difference between the girls - always ‘girls’ - of FHM and the women I meet in real life, is that real life is a lot more diverse. My friends have dimples, and freckles, and curvy bits, and complicated personalities; they make amusing facial expressions, and one has ginger hair. Qualities which are ruthlessly purged from FHM’s parade of near-identical Stepford wank subjects. Nobody I’ve ever seen really looks like Cheryl Cole, and that includes Cheryl Cole. Yet almost everybody in FHM’s list looks a bit like Cheryl Cole, with only minor variations allowed in age, breast size, body shape or even skin colour: it seems Beyonce marks the acceptable limit of darkness for black people. FHM have made sexy boring.”